I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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