You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
