God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
