I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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