My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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