So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
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He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
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the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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