my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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