Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
