my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
