So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
