My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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