Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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