My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
