Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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