Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
