What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
