I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
