So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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