Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
