someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
