tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
