i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize