I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize