Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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