Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
