All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
