After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
