so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
