then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
