wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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