I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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