Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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