You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
