I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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