i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
