She just used a chaser for red wine.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize