Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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