He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
