I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
