so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
