i just sent this text using only my big toe
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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