There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
