We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize