trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
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I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
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Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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