I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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