Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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