Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
