I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
