omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
