Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
