shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
