wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
