possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
