Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
