but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
