He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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