the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
