3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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