I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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