the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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