Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
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you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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