I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
