I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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